Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
