brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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