so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
