defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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