I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
