Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
