Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
