I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
