I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
