OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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