Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
