...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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