I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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