your room smells of hookers.
And success
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
