Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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