Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
