my phone cant type all the emotion im having
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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