If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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