you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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