I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
