I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
