i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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