Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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