Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I stole a fireplace last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
