it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
