This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
