Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
