just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
