I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
