Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
