I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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