Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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