You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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