So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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