You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
