Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
