So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize