Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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