My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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