I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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