What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
