her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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