Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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