maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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