im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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