It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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