i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
