Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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