This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
