there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
