filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
