I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
