Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
