she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
