party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
