your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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