Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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