chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
