Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
