How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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