I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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