i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
