mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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