How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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