So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
