3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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