No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
