I never want to see another naked old woman again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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