i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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