i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
