FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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