It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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