Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
