I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
