I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
