i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
