i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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