guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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