All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My brain says no but my pants say off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
