i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
