I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
